This picture actually has nothing to do with this post - I just like to post pictures when I write!
I fell off the blogging bandwagon (again), but am going to try to get back in the game. And that my friends is the end of cliches for this post...hopefully...
I've decided to share some of my own musings once in a while in the midst of Addie's adventures. God is at work in our lives and I want to be able to share what He's doing. Feel free to leave a comment - it let's me know that someone is reading and I'm not just blogging to myself. That would be kinda pointless...
So here is what I've been pondering most as of late:
Psalm 119:75-77 "I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are righteous, And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
O may Your lovingkindness comfort me, According to Your word to Your servant.
May Your compassion come to me that I may live, For Your word is my delight."
I read these verses in my daily Bible reading on October 27th, 2008 and thought little of them. I had no idea what was to come. Later that week Ryan and I lost our second child to miscarriage. The months since have been some of the worst of my life, but they have also been some of the best. I have grieved deeply for our child, cried oceans of tears, been angry, confused, despondent and broken. I have at times felt that I was just a fragile thread away from coming completely unraveled. It has been at the times that I was most broken and fragile, however, that I have known the presence of my great God most intimately. I have been drawn to His Word over and over and have been literally breathless at the comfort found there. We serve a good God. I have wrestled with why God would choose to glorify Himself through our suffering. I don't know that I will ever understand the ultimate purpose of suffering, but I know that my God is worthy of glory. And I know this: I love Christ more today then I did the day I lost my baby.
Ryan and I believe with no doubt that our child is with Christ. There was no pain or suffering involved for our child in this. Our baby left my body and was instantly complete in Christ, in the presence of Christ. What a joy to know that our child will never know any other existence! We look forward to knowing our baby one day as we sing together praise to our God.
In the early days and months after the miscarriage, I found it extremely difficult to talk about and we shared what had happened with very few people. It has been a little over 5 months since it happened and it is becoming easier and easier to share. I actually am finding comfort in talking about my baby, but most of all I am excited to share what God has done for us. One blog post could never be adequate to share it all. I pray that God will use Ryan and I to encourage others who face this trial and that ultimately our lives will be a song of praise to our faithful God.
"I know, O Lord, that your judgments are righteous. And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.
O, may Your lovingkidness comfort me, According to Your word to Your servant.
May Your compassion come to me that I may live, For your Word is my delight."
Psalm 119:75-77
