This picture is from Christmas - Addie was going through a phase of smiling funny and squinting her eyes anytime we tried to take a picture.
As for the title of this post...I'd love to know your thoughts on my thoughts...
I heard an interesting sermon yesterday on suffering. We watched a video during Sunday School and while I agreed with most everything the speaker said, there was one thing that I'm not sure about. The speaker was talking about how it is during times of suffering that our lives magnify Christ the most. I agree. He repeated a few times the statement that if we could go back to times of suffering in our lives and change them we would. Not sure I agree.
Each circumstance and each person is different, so it is hard to make a general statement regarding this sentiment, I can only speak for myself. I would not change the last six months. If you had asked me three months ago if I would have changed the circumstances of the previous months I would have quickly said yes. But as I come further from the early days of shock and grief, I see things with a different clarity. This is not to say that I understand all of God's purposes in allowing us to experience the loss of a child. But I can say that I am thankful for the experience. Radical, I know. I find it hard to believe that I can say that. The thing is, I don't think I could have learned the lessons God has been teaching me any other way. I know, love and trust my God so much more today then I did before we lost the baby. Would I change that? No. Do I wish I could have learned a different way? Yes. I guess in that regard I can understand the speaker's sentiment. If there had been any other way I would have taken it. Didn't Christ also express this feeling in the garden before He was crucified? Yet, as Christ taught us, not my will but Yours, Father, be done. Suffering is a difficult, strange, trying experience, but it works so many good things in our lives. I don't wish for additional suffering, but I also don't loathe that which I've experienced. Christ has and is working good in our life through the means of suffering. I can't say that I would change that.
What do you think?
2 comments:
I think if I could go back and change moments of suffering in my life, I would. But I think it's God's grace that He doesn't let us. His ways are higher, His thoughts are greater, and that doesn't mean just a little higher and greater. It means He sees the full painting when I see one messy brushtroke. Who knows if brightening one shadow would ruin the entire picture. If we were never broken and desperate, we would never feel His arms holding us and comforting us and know the depth of His promises. Maybe He brings suffering to save us from empty joy.
I think I would want to go back and change things, especially if it involved the loss of a child.
God's ways are not our ways though, and only He knows why things have happened the way they have. Seems so simple, but in real life, it can be much harder!
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